so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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