There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
