There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The air was thick with penises
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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