I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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