i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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