He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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