I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
