i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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