I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
