I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
