she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
