id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
