How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
