Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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