Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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