Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
