Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
sarcasm needs its own font
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
