I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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