Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
