I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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