remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
