Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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