You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
