She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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