i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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