I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
