forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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