the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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