so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
50% drunk capacity currently
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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