I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
