And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
