woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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