dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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