its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize