my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
