I cannot find my penis.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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