Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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