Your dad touched me again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize