She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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