Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
