why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
