The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
