Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
