Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
