I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
