My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
