I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
