Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
