How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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