im about as happy as oj after his trial
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
