Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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