I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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