he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
