is your mom at the bar?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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