the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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