high people should be assigned attendants
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
