Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
