So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
