If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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