this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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