Pappa wants mamma naked
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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