Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Another day, another engagement, another cat
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
