If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
