If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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