My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
